I just slid my dick down your throat, and you thanked me for it — Negan to Rick

If you’re a comic-book reader, you’ll recognize this quote as one of many Negan used during his first visit to Alexandria following the famous Lucille scene. This occurred in issue #103 of the comics, and if you’re an avid fan of the source material, you’ll be very happy to know the writers didn’t change much here in designing the episode — which includes Jeffrey Dean-Morgan getting to spill this very famous line in this week’s episode.

LIL PIG, LIL PIG, LET ME IN!

In tonight’s “Service,” we get an extra 25 minutes in the episode, and that time is actually needed. This is the first time we’ve visited Alexandria since last season, and we get to see each character’s reaction to Negan’s “brand new beginning” and being under the thumb of the Saviors. The episode begins with Rick  (Andrew Lincoln) and Michonne (Danai Gurira)  in bed. No, no, everyone, nothing like THAT — instead, Michonne awakens and sneaks out before Rick has the chance to wake up. She has a sniper rifle hidden in the chimney, and she heads out to the middle of nowhere for target practice (and it turns out she **really**needs it because she’s a terrible shot). For those who have read the comics, this may remind you a lot of the Andrea character, as she was Alexandria’s sharp-shooter and spent most of her time in the watch tower. Given that Michonne has also replaced Andrea as Rick’s new love interest, is this a hint they’re trying to make Michonne more like the comic-book Andrea? It sure looks that way, but I honestly hope they won’t go there. Michonne is a character on her own, and so what if she’s not like Rick’s love interest from the comics. Regardless, getting back to the episode, Michonne is spending her day with her sniper rifle and so, misses most of the excitement that’s about to go down back home.

Back at Alexandria, Rosita  (Christian Serratos) and her new f*ck-buddy, Spencer (Austin Nichols), are about to go on a run to find “something to give to the Saviors” when they are due to arrive in a couple of days. Well, it turns out they shouldn’t have procrastinated. Negan had promised he’d be at Alexandria in a week for their first offering, but just to rattle Rick he arrives early.

Lil pig, lil pig, let me in! — Negan’

Rick isn’t expecting him, and so, it ‘s Spencer who gets the honor of meeting Negan at the gate and responds (very stupidly!) with “Umm, who are you?” Oh, snap!

Umm, who are you? — Spencer

Oh, you better be joking? Negan, Lucille, and I know I had to make a pretty strong first impression — Negan

If the gate had not separated them, I really wonder if Negan would have given Spencer his comic-book death right there on the spot. But, fortunately, Rick shows up in the nick of time and before the shit has a chance to hit the fan. Rick is, of course, visably-shaken — as is Rosita — but Negan is as happy as f*ckless-f*ck on free f*ck day. Now, Negan doesn’t say the latter very famous comic-book quote, of course, but I couldn’t help but think of it as he skipped around the entrance, took out a stray walker with Lucille, and then, hands Lucille to Rick as the Saviors make their way through the gate and into Alexandria. Oh, boy, it’s going to be a long day.

To make things worse and to rattle Rick even more, he has Daryl (Norman Reedus)  in tow to serve as his “help” in loading stuff on the trucks. Rick tries to speak to Daryl, but Negan nearly goes ape-shit and says if Rick even as much as looks at him, he’ll force him to start chopping off parts. Remember, Negan always keeps his word. Damn. And, you thought watching Daryl being tortured in last week’s episode was bad? But, that isn’t the worse of it. While it was implied in last week’s episode that Negan does seem to have a “good” side and doesn’t believe in sexual assault, it is clear that he gets off on taunting and making passes at the women of the men he’s just murdered. He begins with Rosita, and it’s beyond nauseating to watch.

    Whoa. I like the suspense there. I don’t even think she knew how much — Negan to Rick

About ready to hurl? Well, better get your barf bucket ready because Negan stoops even lower before the end of hour. Stay tuned.

FATHER GABRIEL IS THIS WEEK’S MVP

First, I want to make 1 thing perfectly clear before going any further — Rick Grimes is one stupid mother-f*cker. Even though Negan does surprise him by showing up at Alexandria early, if Rick had half of a brain, he would have hidden most of the guns (perhaps minus the ones they stole from the Saviors) in the Armory as soon as he got back to Alexandria. Oh, and having a full inventory of the entire contents of the Armory ON PAPER — how stupid is that? Of course, perhaps Rick really did believe that Negan would take only half their supplies and that what he takes wouldn’t be Negan’s choice, but after the Lucille incident, I really don’t think Rick should be taking anything for granted. But, oh well.

So, the ransacking of the homes in Alexandria begins. The Saviors take their furniture, most of the mattresses, and when they get to the infirmery, ALL of the medicine. Well, at least that’s their plan, but Carl (Chandler Riggs)  is in charge, and he’s not letting it happen without a fight. He fires a shot at one of the Saviors, and then, when Negan shows up, he has the brass man-balls to threaten the man.

I think you should leave now. Before you find out how dangerous we really are — Carl to Negan

Hot damn! As all of the comic-book readers know, Carl takes no shit from Negan in the source material, and because of that, Negan eventually comes to respect the young boy. Will the writers stick to the comics and bring this arc to the small screen? If this is any indication, the answer is “Yes,” and I for one, can’t wait. Back to the episode, Carl eventually surrenders and gives Negan the medicine, but you can bet he made a lasting impression. What’s more, the “little emotional outburst” and Carl pulling a gun on him reminds Negan about all the guns Rick stole from him. So, as punishment, not only are they going to take back all of their own guns, they’re also going to take all of Alexandria’s weapons as well. So, off to the Armory they go.

Once they get there, Negan and the Saviors are introduced to Olivia, and Negan delivers yet another one of his famous one-liners from the comics.

And, I can’t be the first to point out that you got a fat lady in charge of rations, can I?” — Negan to Rick

Negan is also quick to notice that they’re very short on food, and out of the goodness of his heart — or more likely because he needs all of them alive to work for him — Negan decides to take none of their rations. But, taking their entire Armory is still a “Go,” and so, the Saviors begin going through the inventory, gun-by-gun. This is when the shit-show begins. 2 handguns are missing, and even though Negan already has an arsenal with what is left, he goes completely postal and threatens to kill Olivia unless those 2 guns are found.

I don’t enjoy killing women. Men, I can waste them all the live long. But, at the end of the day, this was your responsibility, Olivia, my dear  — Negan to Olivia

So, to save Olivia, Rick has to move fast. So, he calls a meeting and tells everyone straight-up that whomever has the guns needs to turn them over or their friend is going to die. No one answers, nada. But, then, Eugene (Josh McDermitt)  notices that not everyone is there, and at that point, you can immediately see the light bulb go off in Rick’s head. Next thing we know, Rick is ransacking Spencer’s house, and by a stroke of luck, he stumbles on a secret hiding place under the floor boards. A can of food, a bottle of booze, and yes, the 2 handguns. It looks like asshole Spencer is up to his old tricks again — the same ones he promised his mother he would never do again.

Up to this point, Negan is obviously a terrible wretch and makes Donald Trump look like Big Bird on roller skates, but it’s still not over. It is then that he does the unthinkable. He asks about that “sick girl” AKA Maggie (Lauren Cohan)  and makes fun of the fact that he knows she was married to Glenn. This guy is one sick SOB. He then says that he wants to see her so that he can ask her to come back with him (probably as one of his wives. And, yes, I know — WTF?!).

Widows, especially ones that look like that, whoa, they are special. I love them. Right after their husbands go, they are just… empty inside. But, usually not for long! Ha ha ha! Ah, where is she — Negan

Then, Father Gabriel (Seth Gilliam). makes his grand entrance and gives THE best quote of the night — “Would you care to pay your respects?” Holy shit! Talking about a guy that can think crazy-fast on his feet! As you may recall, Sasha and Maggie took Abraham and Glenn’s bodies back to the Hilltop, and so, to prevent Negan from knowing the 2 communities are in contact and collaborating, it appears they dug empty graves for both of them. So, Gabe in what I consider a genius move, quickly digs a 3rd grave and fools Negan into believing that Maggie died from her illness.

Now, Rick obviously connects the dots because he sees Gabriel wipe the dirt off his pants, but what about Daryl? I sure hope Daryl pieces it together as well because I absolutely hate thinking of him carrying the guilt of not only Glenn’s death but also Maggie’s. Sigh.

Gabriel, I really don’t care about all that shit you did back then because from me and the fans — WE LOVE YOU!

ROSITA, YOU ARE ONE SMART GIRL!

While you may have been a tad bit sympathetic towards Dwight (Austin Amelio)  after learning some of his backstory, all of that immediately goes out the window because the prick really shows his ass this week. He forces Rosita  and Spencer to go and retrieve Daryl’s bike but not before making passes at Rosita and basically taking everything from her, including her trademark cap.  When they get to the location where Daryl hid his bike and where the big showdown with the Saviors took place last season, Spencer locates the bike, but that’s about the only useful thing he does on the entire trip.

While Spencer is loading up the bike on a van, Rosita disappears in the woods. She has no gun, of course, and begins taking out walkers using only her knife. At first, you may be thinking WTF just like I did, but then after she kills one particular walker, she reaches down and grabs a gun off his belt. As I mentioned, this is the same area that the big firefight with the Saviors went down last season, and so, it stands to reason that some of the Saviors that were killed may be walkers still lurking in the area. And, those Saviors would have **guns**.  Very smart girl! The gun has no bullets in it, but it’s definitely a start.

So….. how many of you forgot about Eugene’s scheme for making bullets? Yeah, I kind of did too, but fortunately for Alexandria, one particular character hasn’t. Negan and the Saviors are successful in taking every last gun in the Armory (even the pretty cool sniper rifle that Michonne had hidden), but with a stroke of luck, the single handgun that Rosita picked off that walker is overlooked. However, to make any bullets, Eugene would need not only the gun but also either a bullet or a shell casing to model the bullets off of. Well, Negan just so happened to fire a handgun of the same model in Alexandria while he’s there, and Rosita is fortunate enough to find it. So, with that gun in one hand and a shell casing in another, Rosita visits Eugene in the middle of the night, and so is the first step of when Alexandria decides to fight back.

RICK’S BIG CONFESSION

Once Michonne finally returns to Alexandria, she doesn’t like the fact that she has to hand over her sniper rifle, and she sure as hell doesn’t like how Rick appears to just be bending over and taking it all. Rick just wants to keep everybody alive and to make a “life” for them, but Michonne says it’s no life. To make his point, Rick breaks down and tells the story about Shane. The entire story. Which ends with Rick admitting that he knows Judith isn’t his. So sad. It’s something I think we’ve always known, but it’s just heartbreaking to hear the words coming from Rick’s mouth. Not to mention, it’s always nice to get a mention of characters who are no longer with us, and this is a good tieback to earlier seasons, Shane, and how this all began.

I know Judith isn’t mine. I know it. I love her. She’s my daughter, but she isn’t mine. I had to accept that. I did so that I could keep her alive. I’ll die before she does, and I hope that’s a long time from now so that I can raise her, protect her, and teach her how to survive. This is how we live now. I had to accept that too so that I could keep everyone else alive. — Rick to Michonne

I’m not entirely sure if Michonne is 100% on-board, but it does end with Michonne saying to Rick, “I will try.” 

All in all, another fantastic episode and while some may classify it as “slow” because there’s not many action sequences, it is one dense hour of television. Lots of character development, and it’s very interesting (and sad) to watch our 2 strongest characters, Rick and Daryl, being quiet with their heads hung, looking so defeated, and everyone else standing tall and wanting to do something. Of course, I have no doubt that things will eventually turn around, but for the time being and as Spencer (and Rick!) said himself, “this is our life now.” 

And, while this may sound like a broken record since I have said it so many times in my past reviews for this season, Jeffrey Dean-Morgan is a rock-star in his portrayal as Negan. Holy f*cking shit! Several other characters had a chance to shine in tonight’s episode — most notably Rosita and Father Gabriel — but at the end of the day, “Service” was the Negan show. No competition. No doubt. I could write an entire article using just the Negan one-liners, and with each one of those lines, Jeffrey nailed it perfectly. The look on his face, his smile, his body movements, the tone of his voice — every last detail was perfect. And, considering that most of the lines tonight were from Negan, that in itself is truly amazing. Fans and critics have been calling for an Emmy nod for Andrew Lincoln — especially for his performance in the season 7 premiere — and while I can’t contest that, JDM is far more deserving in my opinion. Fingers crossed on that one, but in the meantime, if tonight’s episode is any indication, this season is likely to be best one yet.

The Walking Dead airs on Sundays at 9/8c on AMC.

Critic Grade — A

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